UBUKWE BW’ABANYARWANDA (Igice cya 4)

Gusura umugeni

Hashiraga iminsi mike bakajya gusura umugeni. Hagendaga umushyingira, umukwe mukuru na musaza we, bakajyana inzoga, amata, ifu.

Barikaga amazi, maze bakavuga umutsima. Amazi yavomwaga n’umugabo na muramu we (umugabo yajyanaga ikibindi, muramu we akaza kukizamukana ku iriba). Umugeni, umusore, umushyingira n’umukwe mukuru bose bashyiraga inkono ku ziko icya rimwe bafatanyije. Bafataga agaseke karimo ifu y’amakoma, bagasuka ifu mu nkono irimo amazi yabize. Bafataga umwuko bose uko ari bane, bakavanga ya mazi n’ifu. Umutsima umaze gushya, uko ari bane, bahagurukiraga icya rimwe, bafashe umwuko bose, bagashyira umutsima mu cyibo, maze bakawusangira bose.

Kwogosha amasunzu

Musaza we ni we wamwogoshaga. Yaba atabizi, yamukozagaho icyuma, maze ababizi bakamwogosha. Umugabo we yagombaga gutanga isuka cyangwa igitare cyo guhongera umugore we ngo yemere ko bamuvanaho amasunzu. Bamaze kumwogosha amasunzu, umusatsi bawushyiraga mu gaseke kajemo ifu, bagashyiramo igitare cyangwa isuka, bagafata n’uruhu yatahanye, maze musaza we akabijyana iwabo. Yabiherezaga nyina ati: “Dore amasunzu y’umwana wawe koko yabaye umugore” 

Amasunzu n’uruhu byarabikwaga kugeza igihe umugeni abyariye. Uruhu rwambarwaga na murumuna we cyangwa nyina akarwisasira ku buriri kugeza rushaje.

Kuva ubwo bakaba babonye uburenganzira bwo gutaha mu rugo rwabo.

UMUGEREKA

Umugeni amaze gusama inda, ababyeyi n’umugabo bamwitaho, bakamurinda imirimo ivunanye nawe akirinda ibyatuma avanamo inda byose.

Inkuru imaze kumenyekana ko umubyeyi amaze kuruhuka, mu babyeyi b’aho yashatse n’aho avuka, bose bamuha impundu “Ahiiiiii, uwo mubyeyi niyonkwe”. Iwabo boherezaga nyina n’inzoga (bita MPORE KOMERA) zo kureba umwana yabyaye. Basigaraga bitegura kumuhemba. 

Umubyeyi yahamaga ku kiriri iminsi umunani. Ishize, umubyeyi yarasohokaga. Bakoraga umunsi mukuru wo kwerekana umubyeyi n’umwana yabyaye. 

Guhemba umubyeyi: ni ukumushimira ko yunguye umuryango, yawubyariye umutabazi cyangwa umugeni, ko yongereye amaboko aho yashatse. Ni no kumuha icyubahiro mu muryango yashatsemo, ntawashoboraga kumwirukana aho yabyaye. Imiryango yombi (aho avuka n’aho yashatse) ihemba umubyeyi. Ibihembo by’umubyeyi byari bigizwe n’ibintu byinshi birimo: 

  • inzoga z’amarwa n’inzagwa
  • amata menshi bitewe n’uko batunze
  • inkwi zo gucanira umubyeyi (byibura umuba umwe). 

Iyo yabaga yabyaye umuhungu, bajyanaga se w’umukobwa iyo yabaga akiriho. Iyo yabaga yabyaye umukobwa, hagendaga nyina cyangwa se wabo. 

Kwerekana umwana: umubyeyi yagiraga igihe akajyana umwana iwabo, kumwerekana. Ntiyagendaga imbokoboko, yajyanaga inzoga. Iwabo bashoboraga kumuha isuka, intama cyangwa inka iyo ari abatunzi.

Niyo umugabo yamutaye, aba afite uruhare mu munani w’umugabo wamushatse, ashobora guhama mu rugo rwe kuko abana bamuzirika aho yababyariye, bamuhesha icyubahiro iyo atananiranye ubwe. 

Indongoranyo: ni ikimenyetso cy’uko umuntu yakoye, akwiye kugarurirwa mu byo yatanze. Abakoye inka, ikabyara, ikororoka, batangaga indongoranyo yo gufasha abana bubatse. Yari uburyo bwo kugoboka abana. Umugeni ni we wayihabwaga, ntiyahabwaga umugabo we. Iyo inka yakowe yapfaga, badatunze izindi, barekeragaho.

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Gushyingira ni umwe mu mico abanyarwanda bahuriyeho impande zose. Ariko bamwe bafite ibyo bihariye, bitewe n’uturere bakomokamo.

Ibi byose nabikuye mu gitabo kitwa “UBUKWE BW’ABANYARWANDA” cyanditswe na Sylvestre NDEKEZI

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UBUKWE BW’ABANYARWANDA (Igice cya 3)

​IMIHANGO Y’INGENZI MU BUKWE MU RWANDA; HAMBERE.

6. KURONGORA

Uwo muhango ni wo ukomeye. Abakwe bamaze kugeza umugeni kwa sebukwe, abashyitsi barakirwa, bagahabwa inzoga. Babaga bateguye ikibindi cy’amarwa, n’imiheha y’abakwe n’abasangwa ingana. Habanzaga gusoma sebukwe n’umukwe mukuru, hanyuma hagasoma babiri mu bakwe na babiri mu basangwa. Bamaze kunywa, se w’umusore yahamagaraga umuhungu we ati: “Kanaka ngwino”. Umusore yarahagurukaga, se akamufata ukuboko bakagenda basanga aho umugeni yicaranye n’abandi bakobwa n’umushyingira. Umushyingira yigizagayo abakobwa bose, umugeni agasigara ahicaye. Mushiki we yabaga atwaye umwishywa (akatsi bazinze nk’urugori) n’imbazi (utubuto tw’imbazi baraduhondaga bakavanga n’amata y’inka y’isugi, ari yo nka itarapfushije). Umusore yamushyiragaho ikiganza, mushiki we akamuhereza imbazi mu nkongoro. Umusore yabundaga imbazi mu matama, agacira mu mutwe w’umugeni, agafata umwishywa akawamushyira mu mutwe ati: “Ndakurongoye, ndi mwene kanaka” akivuga. Abagore bakavuza impundu, abagabo bakivuga.

Birangiye umusore aba amaze kuba umugabo. Yasubiraga mu bagabo agahabwa intebe ye, bakamuha inzoga mu gacuma, akanywa wenyine.

  • Umugeni wabaga yakoreweho iyo mihango yumvaga ko yarongowe, umusore yabaga amufiteho uruhare, kandi n’ababyeyi be ntibashobore kumwima uwamurongoye. Uwo muhango ni wo wasimbuwe na “NDAMWEMEYE”. N’umugeni bibye atiteguye bakamwambika umwishywa cyangwa igikangaga, yumva ko yarongowe, bakamuha umugabo we. Bitamunogeye, yashaka akavayo kandi atakowe. Yashima umugabo we, bakazaza nyuma kumukwa, akubaka.

7. KWAKIRA UMWISHYWA

Umusore amaze gucira imbazi no kwambika umwishywa, mushiki we yafataga imbazi akazigumana. Umushyingira yambura umwishywa, akawizirikaho. Bagasuka imbazi nke mu nzoga.

  • Ababyeyi b’umuhungu bakira umwishywa:

Bajyaga ahiherereye kwakira umwishywa, nyuma bakagaruka mu bandi, inkera igakomeza kugeza bukeye. Abakobwa bararirimbaga bagahoza umugeni bati: “Ihorere mukobwa ubaye nk’abandi”.

Bukeye, abakwe bavugaga imisango (amagambo yo gusoza). Bavugaga ubutumwa bw’ababyeyi, bashingana umwana wabo (muzadufatire umwana neza, ananiranye muzamuhishire mumutwoherereze neza). Birangiye, bagaherekezwa.

  • Ababyeyi b’umugeni bakira umwishywa:

Bakiraga umwishywa ari uko abaherekeje umugeni bageze aho. Umwishywa bawujyanaga wose, imbazi bagatwara igice, ikindi cyasigaraga iwabo w’umuhungu. Umushyingira ni we wajyanaga imbazi, umwishywa n’inzoga y’umwishywa (iba irimo imbazi) mu gaseke. Ababyeyi b’umugeni baherezwa inzoga y’umwishywa bagasomaho hanyuma bakakira umwishywa. Ibyo ni byo byerekanaga ko umugeni yashyingiwe.

Birangiye, umukwe mukuru yavugaga uko bagiye, uko basohoje umugeni, uko bafashwe, uko baherekejwe. Hanyuma bagashimirwa, bakabazimanira.

  • Abageni bakira umwishywa:

Yaba ari umugeni waturutse bugufi cyangwa uwaturutse kure, babariraga ko ababyeyi b’umugeni bamaze kwakira umwishywa, na bo bakakira umwishywa.

Mu ijoro rikurikira umunsi w’ubukwe, umusore n’umugeni ni ho babonanaga.

GUCA HAGATI

Musaza w’umugeni wabaga yamuherekeje ni we wacaga hagati. Igihe cyateguwe mu rindi joro, bajyanaga umugeni n’umusore iwabo, musaza we akajyana na bo. Bagiye kubonana, musaza we yirambikaga hagati yabo. Umusore yabwiraga muramu we ati: “Mbisa” undi akanga. Yagombaga kumuhongera, akamuha inka cyangwa isuka cyangwa igitare cyangwa ikindi kintu, noneho muramu we akabava hagati, akisubirira mu bandi.

Guca hagati byari ukwerekana mushiki we, no kwerekana ko umugabo bamuhaye ari we koko, babanye ubwa mbere.

GUKIRANA: ni umugenzo wakorwaga mbere yo kuryamana, bakarwana barushanya imbaraga kugeza igihe umukobwa aganjirijwe, akemera. Umugeni babanzaga kumusiga amavuta menshi umusore yamufata akanyerera, ariko agakoresha imbaraga ze kugeza igihe amuganjirije.

Bakiranaga kugira ngo umugeni yerekane ko ari isugi, atararuwe n’ibyo, atari icyomanzi. 

UBUKWE BW’ABANYARWANDA (Igice cya 2)

​IMYITEGURO Y’UBUKWE

  • Umusore araye ari bushyingirwe:

Bamutegaga amasunzu, bakamwogosha ubwanwa, bakamuca inzara. Bamwambikaga impu z’imikane cyangwa indengera z’abagabo. Bamwambikaga ibitare n’inigi nshya. Umusore yarikenuraga hose, akabonera, abandi bahungu bakamwigisha uko azifata mu bukwe, uko azabana n’umugore, uko azarongora: gucira imbazi, kwambika umwishywa, gukirana. Abahungu bamuherekezaga hose bakamumara ubwoba, bakamutera ubutwaringo atazabaka ishema agahemuza umuryango.

Bateganyaga abahungu bajijutse, baboneye bo kuyobora umukwe no kumugira inama. Bakamurinda kwandagara, kwifata nabi, no gukubagana. Bamwigishaga uko azaramukanya, uko azifata mu bukwe, uko azicara, uko azavuga bamubajije, uko azivuga amaze kurongora. Babaga ari abarimu muri byose, mu muco, mu myifatire, mu mvugo no mu bitekerezo.

  • Umugeni araye ari bushyingirwe:

Bamwogoshaga amasunzu, bakamukenura hose. Umushyingira ni we wahindukaga umwigisha we. Ababyeyi bamutoreraga umwigisha uzi ubwenge, wubatse ndetse ubyaye, akaba umwegereye mu muryango wabo. Yamwigishaga uko azifata mu gihe cyo kurongorwa, uko azifata nahura n’umugabo we, uko azakirana. Yamwigishaga uko azatinya, akamwigisha kutazagira inda nini mu biryo (umugeni ntiyaryaga cyane, ahubwo yanywaga amata cyangwa ibindi byoroshye. Ntiyanywaga inzoga). Umugeni yagombaga kwisiga no kwiyuhagira kenshi. 

Batoraga abakwe benshi ko guherekeza umugeni, abagabo benshi n’abasore, n’abakobwa benshi. Bateguraga umwe muri basaza be, uzajya guca hagati. Batoranyaga umukobwa cyangwa umuja bazasigarana. Bateguraga uruhu rushya azagenda yambaye, bagategura n’intamyi zo kuboha, umubavu wo kujya yosa inkanda, bakamwigisha uko bayinyukanyuka, uko bayishishima. Bamwigishaga guteka, gusasa, gutegura mu nzu no kumenya kwakira abantu. Bamwigishaga uko bagira icyubahiro cy’abakuru, gutsinda sebukwe na nyirabukwe. Bamwigishaga n’indi migenzo y’abagore.

Ibyo umugeni yatahanaga ajya gushyingirwa, byari birimo:

  • igisabo cyo gucunda, cyagendaga imbere y’inka
  • urusyo n’ingasire
  • ubutega (ubugoyi, ubunyaga cyangwa ubujogano)
  • ibiseke birimo amavuta (amavuta yoseheje hamwe n’andi akuze yo guteka), imikondo, icwende
  • inkono ivuga
  • ikigagara (urutete rwo kwosa inkanda)
  • ibiremo byo kwihanaguza 
  • inkanda z’imikane zo kuryamamo no kwiyorosa

4. GUHEREKEZA UMUGENI

Imyiteguro mu muryango yombi yarangiye, hakurikiragaho kwohereza umukobwa ku bamusabyeho umugeni. Kera ubukwe bwatahaga nijoro. Nta mukobwa washoboraga kwijyana kwa sebukwe nk’aho nta muryango agira cyangwa nk’uwaciwe mu muryango. Yaraherekezwaga, bikerekana ko avuye mu muryango. Mu bamuherekeje, bamwe bagendaga bamuhetse, abandi bamushagaye. Umugeni yagendaga mu kirago.

5. KWAKIRA UMUGENI 

Abakwe bageze hafi y’aho bajya gushyingira, barisuganyaga, bakitunganya, bagakurikirana.  Abagabo bamwe bajyaga imbere, abandi bakajya inyuma y’abakwe bose. Abakobwa bajyaga hagati bakikije umugeni. 

Iyo bageraga iyo babaga bagiye, kwa se w’umuhungu bagombaga kwakira umushyitsi ubagendereye, ari we wagomba kuba umukazana wabo. Umugeni yakirwaga na sebukwe wabaga afashe icyuhagiro na nyirabukwe wabaga afashe umwuko. 

Mu irembo babaga bahatabye ingasire y’ikinanira, umugeni yahagera agashyiraho ibirenge byombi, akayihagararaho, bakamutera icyuhagiro. Bakamwokera, bamukoza umwuko ku ruhanga, mu gituza, ku ntugu zombi. Nk’uko yabaga yabibwiwe, yageraga mu marembo akanagira, agategereza ko bene urugo baza kuhamukura. Ntabwo bapfaga kuhamukura, bagombaga kugira icyo bamuha. Umugeni ntiyinjiraga mu nzu yo kwa sebukwe nta kintu arabona. Batangaga ibinyuranye bitewe n’uturere, hari aho batangaga inka cyangwa irindi tungo, abakene bagatanga isuka. Aho bitaberaga mu irembo, byaberaga mu irebe ry’umuryango. 
Umugeni yinjizwaga kwa sebukwe, akajya mu mbere hamwe n’abakobwa bose. Abakwe bakwaga inkoni zabo bakicwaza ukwabo (mu ruhande rwabo bihariye) bakurikije uko basumbana. Bakabazimanira inzoga y’amarwa n’urwagwa, bagatarama kugeza igihe umusore ahamagarwa na se ngo arongore.

UBUKWE BW’ABANYARWANDA (Igice cya 1)

Iyo umuhungu cyangwa umukobwa, babonaga ko akuze, ababyeyi bajyaga inama yo kumushyingira. Ababyeyi bombi bamaze kuzuza inama, babimenyeshaga inshuti zabo. Umuryango umaze kubyemeza, bashakaga abaranga. Bakagenzura uwo bazashyingiranwa. Bakabaza mu nshuti, mu bamenyi babo, mu bavandimwe, bakagerageza kubona umugeni cyangwa umusore utunganye.
Ababyeyi bihatiraga gushyingira heza, gushyingira neza, bakubakira abana koko.

1. KURANGA/KURANGIRA

Kuranga/kurangira byari ukumenya umugeni cyangwa umusore usaba umugeni. Abaranga babaga ari abantu bakuru bazi kureba, kwitegereza, gushungura, gusesengura, hanyuma bakazashyikiriza ubutumwa ababyeyi bombi. Umuryango w’umuhungu watoranyirizwaga n’abaranga bawo, n’uw’umukobwa bikagenda uko. Ntawashyingiraga aho atazi, adafite umuntu we. 

Abaranga bagombaga kugenzura ibintu byinshi birimo: 

  • kumenya ubwiza, uburere, umubano w’aho basaba cyangwa aho umugeni azashyingirwa
  • kumenya ko nta sano umusore n’umukobwa bafitanye
  • kumenya umuryango umusore/umugeni avukamo, imico n’umutungo bafite
  • kumenya ko nta nenge iri mu muryango bagiye gushyingira (ubuhemu, ubugiranabi, urubwa, ubunebwe, kwiyandarika…) 

Ababyeyi bashoboraga kohereza umusore cyangwa umukobwa ku muranga cyangwa inshuti, akamara iminsi/ibyumweru, akirebera uwo uwo bamusabira/umusaba. Yashima akemera, yamugaya agahakana.

Umuranga amaze kubona umukobwa utunganye (mwiza, w’umutima, w’imico myiza,…) yabimenyeshaga ababyeyi b’umuhungu, na bo bakabimenyesha ab’umukobwa. Ababyeyi b’umukobwa nabo bamaze kumva iyo nkuru nziza, uko umuhungu ateye, uburere n’ibindi, bakaraguza, bakanaterekera. Nyuma bagasubiza iwabo w’umuhungu ko bemeye ko bazaza gusaba umukobwa wabo.

2. GUSABA UMUGENI

Iyo bwabaga ari ubwa mbere bagiyeyo, gusaba umugeni hagendaga se w’umuhungu kuko ari we nyiri umuryango. Iyo yabaga atagifite akabaraga ko kugenda cyangwa atakiriho, boherezaga umusimbura akaba ari we ujyayo mu kigwi cye. Umusimbura yabaga ari undi muntu wo mu muryango, yashoboraga kuba se wabo w’umuhungu. Mu gusaba ntawagendaga wenyine, hagendaga byibuze abantu bagera kuri bane. Iruhande rwabo hagendaga abandi bikoreye inzoga babatuye, kubera ko mu Kinyarwanda nta jambo ryambaye ubusa, kandi ngo ijambo rivugishijwe amatama gusa ntiryumvikana. Iyo bamaraga kwica akanyota, basubiraga mu misango noneho yo gusaba umugeni. 

Batangaga inkwano. Bamwe batangaga inka, abandi amasuka, abandi batangaga amatungo (ihene). Ibyo bajyanaga byagendaga bisumbana bitewe n’uturere n’umutungo w’umuryango.

  • Twibuke ko gusaba umugeni mu wundi muryango kwari ugushaka amaboko, umuryango ukaba mugari, ku buryo bazajya batabarana mu gihe cy’ibyago.
  • Inkwano itabonetse, batangaga umugeni w’ubuntu. Umugeni w’ubuntu yari asanzwe mu Rwanda. Baritondaga bagahaha, bakazabona gukwa, inkwano imaze kuboneka. Itabonetse bagakomeza kubaka. Inkwano ntiyarimo umururumba, ntiyarimo inyungu cyane, n’inzoga zatangwaga nazo zari nkeya hose.

    3. GUTEBUTSA

    Gutebutsa ni ukujya kubaza no kuvuga igihe bazashyingirirwa. Umuryango w’umuhungu umaze kwemererewa umugeni, baratanze n’inkwano, hakurikiragaho umuhango wo gutebutsa. Wari umuhango wo gusaba uruhushya rwo kuzarongora, kuko nyiri umukobwa ni we wategekaga se w’umuhungu. Se w’umuhungu yasangaga uw’umukobwa bakavugana igihe, bagahana gahunda yo gushyingira. Imiryango yombi yerekana ibyifuzo byayo, bakajya impaka kugeza bumvikanye. Mu gutebutsa, bajyanaga inzoga imwe cyangwa ebyiri kandi hagendaga abaje gusaba umugeni. Habonetse impamvu, zibuza abasabye kujyayo, nibwo boherezaga abandi mu kigwi cyabo, kandi bakavuga impamvu aba mbere baje gusaba batabonetse.

    Bashoboraga gutinza ubukwe kubera imyiteguro. Gushyingira ntibihubikirwa. Umusore n’umugeni bagomba kwitegura, iwabo bagomba kwitwerereza mu nshuti no mu bavandimwe, bagombaga gutora umukwe mukuru n’umushyingira. Rimwe na rimwe bashoboraga kubabwira kuzaza kubaza ikindi gihe, na none bakazana inzoga baje kubaza. Byashoboraga gutinda amezi ndetse n’umwaka ugashira undi ugataha cyangwa bikihuta.