The Silent Killer

I have been hearing more and more stories about how awful today’s youth are. It’s sad to hear what people say about the category of humans that you fit into. People judging every move you make. It’s like you’re living under a microscope…we don’t give up our seats for elders, we don’t greet elders, we are rude, we are always scrolling on our phones (kunyereza)…blablablaaa. But it’s not fair to stereotype a whole group of people based on one person (or a few peole). Why is it difficult to view people by their individualities and/or by their actions?

Anyways, few weeks ago I went to church. It was a special mass and the church was sardine packed. All the seats were occupied, not an empty seat could be found. There was an old man standing at the back. An old man who needed a seat. I had an opportunity to give up my seat for him. It was not like standing for 2 hours was going to kill me. And this is how I was raised by my mother. I was raised to do better, to greet people, to stand up and let older people sit, to say thank you. That day I wasn’t going to fail my mother.

So, I went and stood at the back.

But just before the Mass began, someone unloaded mercilessly. They let loose a killer. Long and silent. They ripped one that smelled like rotten fish. Small children passed out. 

I was infuriated that I wanted to shout “Good Lord, what the hell did you eat?” They must have thought that if they cut one in the dark no one would smell it, like it’s a ghost or something. But why would anyone let one loose when people have no place to run? And I guess they purposely held it in until the mass celebration began to make sure we were all trapped in there, gasping for air.

Public farting is despicable, particularly when we’re forced to inhale someone else’s fumes of death. Letting loose a killer in a church packed with people, they really had no soul. They are the most disgusting and vile inhuman person in existence. In the midst of running, choking the bastard really seemed like the best option. Or smash their head into the wall. Or snap their neck in a Damon Salvatore style. If only they’d been caught. I just hoped they choke on a bone.

Anyways, there was nothing else I could do but hold my breath and softly bewail as I rushed out. Needless to say that I didn’t go back inside. I was irritated, I went home immediately to rant to my parents.


Moral of the story:

Before you fart in public, think of the poor souls who have had to face their shitty bosses, or married people who have quarrelled with their spouses, or young lovers who are dealing with raw heartbreaks. Think of all those poor souls trapped with you in a confined space. The most humane thing you can do is hold your fart in, instead of making them hold their breath, growing frustrated every second, after you rip one in their presence. No one wants to stick around and inhale your fumes of death. 


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