I have a friend, and I hope she won’t hate me for using her as an example here. I met her about two years ago. She’s gorgeous. She’s about half my size (so, miniscule) with such a sweet pretty face and a great personality. She studies hard. We talked a few times, and then I start learning things about her.
So here is her story:
She’s been in a relationship for over 5 years, and still counting.
“I love him with all my soul, I love him in the most sincere way” she professes her love for him.
He’s taught her so many things along the way. And the most important being ‘how to love’. “I’ve learned how to love him, and I’m still learning” she adds.
Their relationship is wonderful. And if asked to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, she says it’s definitely an 8 or 9. She is happy with him. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to her. And she doesn’t doubt her love for him. And just like every other relationship, they have had their ups and downs…
Sometimes, she sees things that make her doubt. And she has lots of unanswered questions ─ which, by the way, might never be answered. I won’t try to paint the guy bad ─ I’m here talking about my friend’s part of the story.
She is a crazy girl. She loves in a maddening way. And she can act very weird sometimes. There are things she has always wanted to ask him ─ things that disturb her, things that bring out her demons. And by asking don’t think it meant nagging. They say that no matter how sure you are of someone’s love, it is always nice to be reminded of it. She just wants to be reassured that there was nothing to worry about. She wants to be comforted. He has had such questions as well, and she always made it clear that he’s the one she chose.
One or two times, she tried to ask him…not only did she not get an answer, but she felt much worse than before. He went into self-defense mode and all he told her was to deal with it cause there was absolutely NOTHING she could change/do about it. She was so devastated. She felt a wreck after that. She has cried herself to sleep several times.
On other attempts she made to ask him about anything, his reaction was nearly posing like a ninja. And if she tried to talk to him about the way she felt, she always ended up feeling worse than before because of his reaction. Whenever she is hurting, she gives herself the necessary space and time to hurt, but can’t be open about it. After all that she vowed never to pose any questions, or tell him when he’d hurt her feelings. She started to bottle up her feelings, emotions, everything. She is afraid to speak up.
He says she ‘interrogates’ like a detective. She still hasn’t figured out how to express her feelings, she just bottles them up inside. Some re-surface from time to time and then she has a gloomy day. When she lets those thoughts get to her…and sometimes she does…she wants to cry and give up. She allows the buttons she already has from some past experience to be pushed. Sometimes when she is having a gloomy day, he notices it (he can read her like an open book) and asks what’s bothering her. She always say it’s nothing (and try to put on a smile) cause she can’t express herself without getting hurt even worse. Few times she can’t help it but cry…and when he asks what’s wrong she feels an urge to tell him but then she can’t. And then she is forced to lie to him about something sad, so that he leaves her alone.
She can’t come clean with him. She has been like this almost the entire relationship. And the result…she a walking bomb! The bottled up emotions/feelings are becoming such a burden. She might explode one time. The only way to avoid the possibility of exploding is talking to someone. She would prefer talking to him, as he’s the one behind all that. Hélas, that is never happening.
Inspite of the hurt feelings, she still loves him…more with each passing day.
I was so surprised that so much trouble and worry could fit into such a pretty, small, and joyful person. But truly, we are all the same. Fighting our inner demons (and outer ones too) trying to make it through each day as happily as we can. She confides in me. But I think after reading this, she will never again.
To the most crazy couple I know,
Sometimes it may seem like a man and a woman are on totally different pages in all aspects, yet always seem to meet in the middle, find love, and a future with one another.