Weird together

I have a friend, and I hope she won’t hate me for using her as an example here. I met her about two years ago. She’s gorgeous. She’s about half my size (so, miniscule) with such a sweet pretty face and a great personality. She studies hard. We talked a few times, and then I start learning things about her.

So here is her story:

She’s been in a relationship for over 5 years, and still counting.

“I love him with all my soul, I love him in the most sincere way” she professes her love for him.

He’s taught her so many things along the way. And the most important being ‘how to love’. “I’ve learned how to love him, and I’m still learning” she adds.

Their relationship is wonderful. And if asked to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, she says it’s definitely an 8 or 9. She is happy with him. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to her. And she doesn’t doubt her love for him. And just like every other relationship, they have had their ups and downs…

Sometimes, she sees things that make her doubt. And she has lots of unanswered questions ─ which, by the way, might never be answered. I won’t try to paint the guy bad ─ I’m here talking about my friend’s part of the story.

She is a crazy girl. She loves in a maddening way. And she can act very weird sometimes. There are things she has always wanted to ask him ─ things that disturb her, things that bring out her demons. And by asking don’t think it meant nagging. They say that no matter how sure you are of someone’s love, it is always nice to be reminded of it. She just wants to be reassured that there was nothing to worry about. She wants to be comforted. He has had such questions as well, and she always made it clear that he’s the one she chose.

One or two times, she tried to ask him…not only did she not get an answer, but she felt much worse than before. He went into self-defense mode and all he told her was to deal with it cause there was absolutely NOTHING she could change/do about it. She was so devastated. She felt a wreck after that. She has cried herself to sleep several times.

On other attempts she made to ask him about anything, his reaction was nearly posing like a ninja. And if she tried to talk to him about the way she felt, she always ended up feeling worse than before because of his reaction. Whenever she is hurting, she gives herself the necessary space and time to hurt, but can’t be open about it. After all that she vowed never to pose any questions, or tell him when he’d hurt her feelings. She started to bottle up her feelings, emotions, everything. She is afraid to speak up.

He says she ‘interrogates’ like a detective. She still hasn’t figured out how to express her feelings, she just bottles them up inside. Some re-surface from time to time and then she has a gloomy day. When she lets those thoughts get to her…and sometimes she does…she wants to cry and give up. She allows the buttons she already has from some past experience to be pushed. Sometimes when she is having a gloomy day, he notices it (he can read her like an open book) and asks what’s bothering her. She always say it’s nothing (and try to put on a smile) cause she can’t express herself without getting hurt even worse. Few times she can’t help it but cry…and when he asks what’s wrong she feels an urge to tell him but then she can’t. And then she is forced to lie to him about something sad, so that he leaves her alone.

She can’t come clean with him. She has been like this almost the entire relationship. And the result…she a walking bomb! The bottled up emotions/feelings are becoming such a burden. She might explode one time. The only way to avoid the possibility of exploding is talking to someone. She would prefer talking to him, as he’s the one behind all that. Hélas, that is never happening.

Inspite of the hurt feelings, she still loves him…more with each passing day.

I was so surprised that so much trouble and worry could fit into such a pretty, small, and joyful person. But truly, we are all the same. Fighting our inner demons (and outer ones too) trying to make it through each day as happily as we can. She confides in me. But I think after reading this, she will never again.

So,

To the most crazy couple I know,

Sometimes it may seem like a man and a woman are on totally different pages in all aspects, yet always seem to meet in the middle, find love, and a future with one another.

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IF YOU HAD 10 MILLION DOLLARS, HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT?

I’m not even going to try and say that I truly know the answer. I don’t think anyone really does until they find themselves in this position, but I’ll share my thoughts none the less. It would definitely be great if I can get my hands on 10 million dollars and the first thing I would do is to ensure that I get total financial freedom. I would do whatever I wanted to do; no restrictions.

Then I would pay off every bit of debt that I have (which is thankfully not very much). I would make sure that my parents have everything they need and desire for the rest of their lives. I would renovate their house and start a business for them so they won’t get bored at home. After that I would contribute to the financial well-being of my siblings and best friends. I would provide educational funding for my baby brother, my nieces and nephews. I’d take care of all my family and friends who have been so generous to me through the years. If I had that amount I would fill my family’s life with people like my Angelic godmother. If I have kids, I want them to know that the world is full of good people who can teach us fun and interesting things. I have 7 guardian angels that have been part of my life. I want to bless them each. All my loved ones would be blessed after all is taken care of.

I would take MINE on the best vacation. We’d spare no expense, and just enjoy our time together. And I would buy him every gadget he wants (I know his wish list is a mile long). Next I would build my dream house. And I would buy myself a car (and of course face my fears and learn how to drive) and buy mine a car as well (ibya lifuti wapi).

And I’d probably adopt children. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and there are so many children in Rwanda who are just waiting to be adopted. I love children.

Then I would find a financial advisor (I trust) to help me budget and invest the rest of the money so I’d have enough to live off of for the rest of my life and my children could go to any school of their choosing; and so that I can always give to others when they’re in need.

I can’t see myself ‘not working’ though. I could still be working but just choose how much time I spend on my work. I could see supporting many great causes and helping those who want to do great things, but just don’t have the resources. I have been helped and I would definitely like to thank and return the favor by helping others. This is why I’d like to grow it to an even larger number.

To cut it short, I would ensure my financial independence, have some fun, and spend the rest of my time making a difference in other people’s lives. Or I would wake up and get back to work, because I would be dreaming. But if I could manage to dream a little longer ─ I love the aspect of freedom that it would instantly give me.

Start daydreaming too ─ it’s good for you.

…pourqu’enfin vous puissiez vivre au grand jour votre amour

Falling in love is the best feeling in this world. But love can hurt, though it can also heal. Yes, love can hurt and everyone who has truly loved someone has felt that pain. It can destroy the same way it can build. When it begins, it creates smiles and laughs.

Love can sometimes be unfair, just like anything else in life. When we think of love, we think of the happy kind of love, the kind that is the beginning of something beautiful – something that breathes life. There is, however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love. The love one feels when they love someone they can never have.

Contrary to popular wishful thinking, love doesn’t always end happily. It doesn’t always result in the joining of two people, the fusing of two lives into one. Sometimes, on rare occasions, it results in the wedging apart of the two who love each other the most.

Here is a story of such a kind…

Let’s start with how we got to know each other. I honestly don’t remember that well, but it all started on Facebook. We became friends and quick enough began chatting like we were old friends. We would be chatting late at night. We talked about anything ― Science, life, love, dating and relationships, IYOBOKAMANA ― everything. And you usually talked to me about her…

I would tease you saying ”…I know you miss me” and your reply was always ”uri Kay se?” You always avowed your undying love for her and I always asked ”why are you not together?” But you know, Love is a tricky thing.

Taqman loves Kay with all his soul but never got a chance to be with her (baba bikosa). They in every sense of the word “love’ each other but there is no possibility that the two will ever be together. They have never dated, or been in a real relationship. It’s a sad truth, but a truth, nonetheless. I know they are truly in love with each other ― that love you have for a person that is so deep and feels like it should last forever, but it can’t for some complicated, unfair reason.

I believe with all my heart they are destined to be together ― the magic is there, the connection feels real.

But how could life keep them apart when they love each other so much? How could life be so unfair?

Taqman has no doubt Kay loves him and he does not doubt his love for him. I am not talking about liking or fondness, I am talking here about “love” – where you know everything about the other person and he or she knows everything about you, and you love the good, bad and ugly – all.

They say they still love each other but someone or something is preventing them from being together. It could be their family (one doesn’t fit into their idea of the right person for their child), the time isn’t right (they are too busy finishing their degrees/building their careers). Whatever it is, it’s a reason beyond their control. They’d love to be together but – heck, it’s just not possible.

If you are also one of those, I’m telling you this…

If the love is there, everything is going to be just fine.

Taqman, I know the love is there. As long as you can see the same sky, breathe the same air, step on the same planet, then you are not impossible.

Ku buzima bwanyu!

Mbatuye aka karirimbo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rupEsRUCHS4

My Love For Jeans

Jeans are like men.
It is very difficult to find one that you really love and that fits you really well.

With your body and your soul. And when it happens you want to keep them with you for your whole life.
Perhaps jeans are even better than men. They never tell you that you speak too loud or too much…they protect you and keep you warm in windy days…without asking for it.

Jeans started out as cheap, tough work-wear. But jeans have remained cheap, a true egalitarian uniform for anyone anti-fashion.

The only pair I’ve ever liked cost me 4000frw. They are the right length and stretchy enough on the waist not to divide me in three like an insect. I intend to replace the button, have them re-hemmed or even patch the ass — once they fall apart. The most expensive pair I own cost me 8000frw if I remember well. Yes, 8000frw! I only buy cheap jeans. Generally, I have nothing against expensive stuff — but I just can’t get behind the idea of paying 20000frw or more for a pair of jeans. I had no plans of shopping that day. But when I stepped into the shop, the guy forced them on me (abacuruzi niko bakora) and I proceeded to cough up 8000frw for those jeans. I still wear them. They have faded and lost all their glory—let’s just say I got my money’s worth.

Jeans still fit you even after that wonderful brochette you had with a Fanta.

They are with you on your first date…and your handsome gentleman will always remember how good they looked on you. You will always remember your first concert when you didn’t know what to wear and in the end you decided to wear your favorite pair of jeans.

Jeans are the basis of the outfit you don’t have to think about. One that’s acceptable everywhere. Almost anything can be matched with (skinny) jeans!

And for a girl with a petite height & size like me…some are too long and trail on the floor like discarded snake-skins. I know I could simply accept I am short and leave the whole jeans thing to supermodels, but
not owning jeans feels like not owning a bag ― a weird omission.
I keep old jeans in the hope of putting them back on.

I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. Until recently when my Mother Vicki started buying me dresses, I never anything else apart from jeans. Jeans are very comfy ― I even sleep in them. Talk about a long tiresome day. There’s another reason I love Jeans. Rides on motorbikes. It’s next to impossible to ride on a motorbike in a dress/skirt.

Jeans will never say goodbye until you decide to put them in the bottom of your closet. But there will be a day that you take them out of your wardrobe and you start to love them again…as if it was love at first sight.

Treat them well because they are loyal friends with whom you can spend a whole life!

Discover it here…

It’s weird how people always perceive me as mysterious and are always asking what I do when I’m not around them. Well, get to know me first!

Here are 24 things you don’t know about me.

 

  1. I hate losing and am ultra competitive in most things I do. I don’t get over losing easily. I lose sleep. It’s not so much the actual outcome that I hate – it’s the process.  The fact that I lost when I should have won. I think about it for months, often years.  But I embrace losing, it is how I learn. If I lose, I will train and train until I can win.
  2. I rarely reveal personal details about myself in a conversation unless explicitly asked.
  3. I’m a really curious person at heart and I’m very observant (by nature). I am the quiet one who prefers to sit alone and observe those around me. And no, I’m not judging people when I do this.
  4. When I find a song I like, I’ll listen to it on repeat until I get sick of it.
  5. I absolutely HATE frogs.
  6. I don’t wear make-up. I am comfortable with how I look. I don’t hate what I see when I look in the mirror…I can still look gorgeous by letting my natural and inner beauty shine. I don’t have to take it off at the end of the night which I guess is the worst part of putting makeup on in the first place, I don’t need to sneak out to the bathroom to check…it’s liberating not relying on a mirror for a little while. And I can do important things in the morning instead, like sleeping. So the reason I don’t wear makeup is because I am lazy.
  7. I can do weird things. Don’t underestimate me because I’m quiet.
  8. One of my greatest joys is being able to offer some sort of help or insight that improves the quality of life for others.
  9. I’m a good listener. I can cope with whatever personal stuff a friend wants to tell me, and try to give advice.
  10. If I could eat meat everyday – I would. I love meat.
  11. I do my laundry myself. I would rather do laundry myself than turning it over to others to do.
  12. I like routine. I do not do disorder or chaos.
  13. I don’t like reading and can’t read more than a couple of pages before falling asleep. I know!I can’t stand going to meetings or talking on the phone. I thrive in the online world. Perhaps because online communication and networking gives me more time to think and reflect about how to express my responses as compared to real-world conversations.My least favorite thing is having to get up early.
  14. I’m grateful every day for the love of a good man.
  15. I love learning and I love finding new ways to improve everything around me. Because every single minute I am thinking and analyzing all sorts of things, so I always have something on my mind. If someone would give me the option to stay at home watching an interesting movie or going out to a huge party, I would definitely stay with the movie.
  16. I can’t stand going to meetings or talking on the phone. I thrive in the online world. Perhaps because online communication and networking gives me more time to think and reflect about how to express my responses as compared to real-world conversations.
  17. With that said, People I can go months without contact with, and that’s ok, make the best friends for me. Someone I can be real with, and provide the same environment in return.
  18. I like to be alone more than I like to be in large groups of people. And being alone doesn’t equate to loneliness. And I’m not alone all the time, as many people think. I am, basically, like every other person and my alone time is split 50-50 with my “friends” time.
  19. I don’t like talking, but when it comes to expressing ideas I can give a full hour speech without even getting close to the introduction. And when I’m talking about something I’m interested in, passionate or know a lot about, I can talk your ear off…I won’t shut up for days!
  20. I’m not good at socializing and this doesn’t mean I’m necessarily afraid of people. What I need is a reason to interact. I don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to me, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
  21. And I have thought about jumping out a window to end a conversation… I just do not have the talent of conversing easily with people I have never met before. But I am not a total hikikomori; I just use my time wisely with people I really enjoy. I don’t let idiots steal my time.
  22. I have only a hand-full of really close friends but I do have a lot of people I consider friends though. I have three or four best friends who are my entire life and I intensely value the few friends I have. I am not a “group of friends” person. I can’t keep up with all that.
  23. I’m not anti-social, I’m selectively social. I form fewer but deeper relationships with people.
  24. My sarcasm and humor gets me in trouble sometimes. Especially when I write up something I think is funny and post it on Social Media.

 

The first thing people say when they meet me is “Why are you so quiet?” And some (always) say things like “Say something, I want to hear you talk”. I have been told countless times that I should be more talkative with people in general. More talkative?! Pfffffff…

That kind of pressure and attention made me feel awkward. And then I didn’t want to talk when I had something to say because I knew people would react so strongly and give me so much attention for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being quiet. In fact there is everything wrong with trying to turn me into something I am not. Stop trying to fix me! It took me so long to realize that I’m fine. And trust me, it wasn’t that simple.

Finally…

I am an introvert and I love being that way. And I am not afraid to be named so. I see it as an honor and a unique part of my personality.

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What If I Stopped Wanting To Put On Weight?

Ever met someone and the first thing they say to you is that demeaning thing you dread to hear? They see me and the first thing they say is “Angela, you have grown so thin!” Some don’t even hesitate to ask “What happened?” As if that is supposed to make me happy?! Phooeyy!

I’ve been trying everything to put on weight. Some of my friends think I don’t eat ─ they think I starve myself to maintain the ‘mannequine’ figure! Oh boy!?

Few years back, I admired those women who had the ‘perfect’ body. I thought if I could just be like them, everything would be okay. As if they don’t struggle with weight and body issues. We all admire or envy those women who have that ‘perfect’ body. But have you ever stopped to think what they go through? We believe they’re so healthy and we are not. Some of the women, who although they look great, do not feel great about themselves. And they use unhealthy means to stay looking that way because they’re so afraid of what will happen if they gain/lose weight.

Social comparison is the thief of happiness. You could spend a lifetime worrying about what others have, but it wouldn’t get you anything. So, I’m done trying and trying to put on weight (hari hasigaye kurya ibinini by’ingurube!) MINE, I’m sorry I ain’t partying ways with my chinese butt! Sinon, achete-moi des chiffons!

Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance. It’s about what you live for. It’s about what defines you. It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique. It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly. It’s about those little quirks that make you, you.

Women with the so-called perfect bodies aren’t immune to the problems the rest of us deal with. They are unhappy, lonely, have trouble with their boyfriends/spouses, are in debt, have low self-esteem, hate their jobs, are in unhealthy relationships…the list goes on and on. Everyone is battling their own demons.

Perfect body doesn’t equal happiness.

Self-love and self-acceptance do.

I’m happy because I love who I am. I love my flaws. I love my imperfections. They make me “me.” And “me” is pretty amazing.

HAPPY NEW 2015!