What gets my goat is…

I know what you’re thinking…hater

There’s always going to be things that piss me off no end, no matter how zen I am. The thing is, a lot of stuff bothers me. Too much stuff, to be honest. Things that really get my knickers in a knot. I am listing all the things that are currently annoying me in the hope that it will be cathartic and they won’t bother me as much anymore. This list is not definitive. It is just what is bothering me right now.

  • Girls who don’t understand that a guy is taken. No, seriously, back off!

There is this girl, in fact woman; who tried to snatch my boyfriend and that drove me really insane back in the days. One day she did something and I hit the roof! But I’m not one for the whole drama scenes. Neither was it my place to do anything. I just let him handle that, because it was his responsibility. Then I also tried to rationalize it like “Is it really going to ruin my relationship if this inconsiderate woman wants to steal my boyfriend (from me)?” I decided to ignore the woman out of an inborn sense of dignity, and focused on my man. I became extra loving and made sure I made him happy. But HOLY COW, SHE MADE ME ANGRY!!!!

  • The chronic hand raiser who prolong class by asking the questions.

They are always full of questions. Sometimes even, painfully stupid questions. The teacher answers the chronic hand raisers questions, but the chronic hand raiser doesn’t hear it because they are too busy formulating questions in their head. One would think the chronic hand raiser asks so many questions because they like the sound of their own voice. They will drive you crazy by asking the professor very specific questions about their own essays that are very clearly not applicable to anyone else in the class. They will wait to do this until the professor has hinted that she might let the class go early, but not before she sees if anyone has any questions. These people will make you want to strangle them.

  • Slow internet connections.

They make me want to crash my PC on the wall or phone through the window! It is insanely frustrating when my internet won’t work. I reset my wireless connection. Nothing. I restart my computer. Nothing.

  • People who take religion seriously.

I love it when someone vaguely familiar with their religion decides that it’s their duty to try and convert me to whatever bullshit they believe in at the time. Of course, most Christians are convinced the message of Jesus is so good, that all you need to do is show up with a smile, a Bible, and a friendly “let me tell you about my pal Jesus” and presto, instant Christian. Many religious people find the need to change people’s life styles. They feel the need that everyone, even people who don’t abide by the bible, should follow their version of the word of God. Like everything, there are people who take everything too seriously. But there are religions and followers out there who do not force their beliefs on you.

  • Passing gas in confined places

Seriously, nothing puts a gassy dent in someone’s morning, than walk into someone’s silent but deadly fart. It’s even worse when you’re on public transportation and there’s nowhere to run. It’s really a double-edged sword. For the love of King Jesus, please, hold that in.

  • Feeling bloated

Let’s talk about something uncomfortable: A ballooned belly. When the abdomen is too swollen to squeeze into your jeans

  • Players

WHY? Why play a guy/girl? Does it make them feel better about themselves? All players do, is lead people on and leave them hanging. If you like someone, why play them? You won’t get the person back most likely if you do. I can’t stand seeing someone hurt.

  • Mispronouncing my name

Aiieeeeee…it’s Bayijahe! Not BAYITAHE or BAJYAGAHE! B-A-Y-I-J-A-H-E!

  • People walking painfully slow on the street

People who can’t go with the flow when walking on the sidewalk really annoy me. These are the people who will walk down a street at an extremely slow pace, often with a smartphone in hand, and then have the tendency to stop and look around. It’s as though they’re walking and then all of a sudden they hear an imaginary large bang and stop dead. They look around, although startled by something which hasn’t actually happened.

The biggest pain is when they’re in groups of slow walkers. They take up the whole pavement so that you have to risk your life darting around them. The thought that rushes through my mind then is to punch them in the back of the head. I often step into the road to make quicker progress, although on the street, where motorcycles often cruise down in near silence the consequences of a wrong step can be serious. The other option is to crowd surf – darting into spaces as they appear between walking groups, sometimes even anticipating them before they form, and then jumping ahead or to the side into the next gap, leaving frowning faces from the snail-paced pedestrians left behind. The final option is to grit my teeth and slow to the pace of the crowd, enjoying the view of the surrounding shops and people with whom I am walking (while making sure to avoid the feet of the person who has inexplicably stopped in front). People standing on the street, catching up for a couple of minutes of conversation, (Uracyakora muri SAKIRWA se? Godeliva amakuru ye?) so you can’t walk past them and you feel like an asshole just because you’ve had to say “excuse me” to get past. The fact that they then realize they’re holding up the traffic of people and refuse to move makes me wonder who, in the blue hell, do you think you are? I almost walked straight into you, and you continue to just stand there? Move to the side! If you’re just catching up, then get out of the bloody way. Stand along the side of the path. Let society move on with their lives instead of moving slower than a blindfolded drunkard.

  • Blasting music nobody wants to hear

They sell headphone, so there’s absolutely no excuse why someone can’t get a pair and spare us that new Senderi song.

  • But what really gets my goat is people who spit.

I’m standing at the bus stop and a gentleman in a nice suit clears his throat on the pavement without the slightest hesitation. Only if killing was legal! Few people would throw garbage on the street in broad daylight, and even fewer yet would spit in their own front yards, but people are remarkably inattentive when it comes to this behavior in public places. People care so much about keeping their houses clean that they even take off their shoes upon entering a house, but does this care just stop at the outside perimeter of one’s home? I don’t know where people get off treating the world like their own personal bathroom like the rest of us are just visitors here on the planet. Spit is going to cover up the world soon…put an end to it. OUTLAW SPITTING NOW!!!!



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