It wasn’t her fault. She keeps telling herself that, though it’s not making things any easier. She feels like a fool. Belise, 24, third year university student, is interning at an insurance company. She is beautiful. She has been dating this guy, John, for almost a year. John calls her bae and texts her all the time, you know. He texts her things that make her think and long to be near him. He has saved her contact under the name Princess. He is the one who keeps asking the “Do you love me” questions. Belise is practically John’s ideal partner. Belise enjoys John’s company since he makes her feel truly beautiful, he’s fun to be around and makes her feel warm and happy inside. Belise is content with that.
Then out of the blue, his wife contacts her. John’s wife?
John and Soleil had been married for 6 years, before things started getting weird. Things had become strained in the marriage. Soleil read romantic texts and chat messages between the Princess and her husband, and she saw their photos together. It devastated her, but she couldn’t say she was entirely shocked. She felt hurt, angry and hopeless about the marriage.
John cheated on Soleil with Belise, and contrary to popular belief, it was intentional. John cheated on purpose. Their affair began when they started working together. With the same schedules and working for the same boss, it was inevitable some sort of relationship would form. John could have told her that he wasn’t married or maybe he convinced her that he and Soleil had grown apart weeks before the eventual stolen kisses or maybe he just told her that Soleil was a demon. Hehe. But honestly who even knows for sure? John said he loved Belise. She said she did love him too.
Soleil had suspected infidelity for months. She was on the verge of breakdown, wondering whether she was crazy and if the late nights at work meant something more. Then Soleil finally posed the question that had been nagging at her for months. And baam, the ugly truth appeared. Was it a one-time drunken mistake or a months-long romantic affair? She kept wondering. Then she started thinking about the other woman. The Princess. Who is she? Did she know about me? Does he love her? Is she prettier, smarter? Why was he interested in her? Why her? There were so many questions. How could she live with herself? And the tears would begin. Soleil could imagine the princess. Easy. Desperate. Opportunistic. Conniving. With no conscience about jumping into bed with her man (or other men in relationships). With total disregard of his marital status, she enticed John with her seductive tricks. Hehe. A homewrecker who needs to be slut shamed and loathed with every fiber in her body. Soleil hates her. She stole her man. Soleil feels that given a chance, she would rip her apart.
Soleil finally learned her name. Belise. She found her number and called her. After Belise stopped taking her calls, the accusatory inbox messages on Facebook began. She called her a slut, a loose woman who threw herself at a married man. Hehe. Soleil accused her of stealing her husband, and destroying their marriage. It is pathetic when women engage in social media battles over a man. Proudly proclaiming to be the main chick, dragging each other over men who are not even worth it. Women shouldn’t be engaging in any battle over a man. Period! And if you have ever had a fight with another woman over a man, you already lost. Yes, both of you. The scumbag in the middle is the sole winner, because after enjoying some ass form both of you, he gets an ego boost as you tear each other apart over him. And on top of that, he knows that however things turn out, he’ll have at least one of you by his side.
It wasn’t Belise’s fault. However, she felt awful about herself.
But let’s be real here. First of all, there is no such thing as stealing someone. How? Did she kidnap him? He went with her willingly, I’m assuming. Otherwise Soleil needed to get on the phone and file a missing person report. The truth and the only reason is that Belise slept with John because he consented. The blame should be his not hers. Belise was single, while John was married. And Belise did not force John’s hand. She did not lure him into any traps. She did not seduce him with some secret sensual powers. And if it wasn’t her, it most definitely would have been someone else. John was looking for an affair, not Belise in particular. Belise just happened to be in the right spot at the right time. Soleil had a right to be angry with both of them, but there’s no excuse for putting all the blame on Belise. If anything, it was entirely John’s fault for having an affair while he was married. Belise wasn’t the one breaking any vows or promises or violating any religious sacraments.
When a man strays from his marriage, we are conditioned to blame the other woman. So, it was easy for Soleil to think that Belise is a bad person, but Belise was as much a victim in the situation as Soleil was. And you know what? It is not fair to blame the other woman alone. That’s fucked up. I’m not saying that homewreckers don’t exist. But thinking that all other women are homewreckers, is a silly notion. The other woman could have been lied to entirely. She might have had absolutely no clue the guy was in a relationship with or was married to someone else, and she’s probably upset (just like you) that the man she thought was awesome, is actually a scumbag. And it’s not her fault that you had problems in your marriage that made your man stray. She is not what drove your man to cheat. And she’s probably a good person. You don’t know this woman so you have no idea if she’s a bad person. But most importantly, no woman (with a good conscience) wants to be the other woman. Unless she is one of the home wrecking women of course.
So, my point is…
Let’s stop entirely blaming the other woman. Stop condemning her. Stop demonizing her. But why would you even hate her when she (the other woman) did you a favor and prevented you from ending up (if you’re not married yet) or staying with a lying asshole? You should thank her. Think about it. Also, no man should be able to move on with his life so quickly while the woman is being humiliated and enduring the wrath of the mistake, alone. If you are going to hate on immoral people, at least divide the hate equally.
Now for the don’t @ me part of the post: I am well aware that women cheat too. I am a woman and I am writing this from a female’s perspective. And as someone who has dealt with an “other woman” situation, if you find out that he has cheated on you or that he has a woman in his life, don’t hurt yourself going after the other woman. No one ever knows how they’ll react to being cheated on before it happens, that remains to be seen until it actually happens. But when it happens, whatever you do, never approach the other woman. Fight your man. He is the one who betrayed and lied to you. Not the other woman.